Rollar Coaster Mommy

I feel like a Rollar Coaster Mommy, because I am always up and down. I have fought depression for most of my life and being a mom makes it even harder. I find that some days I honestly don't know what to do with my kids. As I am typing this I am watching Oprah talking about going without t.v.'s and computers for a week... I can't say that I could do this. What would I do? What would my kids do? I feel very guilty because I am so very blessed with getting to stay home with my kids, and yet I don't take advantage of the time I could spend with my kids. I have a 3 year old and a 18 month old and am pregnant with number 3 all I can think now is what will I do with more?? I feel like the only way to make myself get up and go is to get out of the house. I have to socialize almost every day with other moms to mentally function. I often feel lost or lonely with my kids and I do love them and I do want to be home with them. But I haven't found my nitch as being a mom yet. I have gatherd ideas and helped others but not myself... So this is why I call myself Rollar Coaster Mommy...